Cannot Close My Heart to Joy

They stare at me.
They judge me, my clothes, my hair, my music...etc
They take pictures.
They talk about me.
They don't listen to what I am telling them.
They think they know best, even though they don't have a clue.
They take advantage of me.
They just don't care.
..............................
Walking around a foreign country for any longish stay, these are some of the most common complaints I hear and experience floating around my head. Now, I probably love foreign countries, cultures, languages, etc more than the average person, but I do have my moments of weakness. This week was one of them.

Friday-Friday. Hands down the most challenging cultural week ever. Why? Small stuff really. Small stuff piling up on an already busy slightly stressed out Jo made for a nuclear melt-down half-way through the week. (And almost saw the demise of my cell phone down the elevator shaft...)
Friday. Seven long days ago. Friday I went to get a hair cut, fairly confident that it would go pretty well and while it might not be exactly what I wanted, at least it would be manageable. Get there and the place is closed and gutted. Brilliant. Now to trust my curly locks into the hands of a total unproven stranger? I think not. I've been working on trust though and thought, "Just how bad could one hair cut be, Jo? Give them a chance and be cool with whatever happens."
45 minutes later I walked out of the place, tears in my eyes, teeth gritted and tongue held.

Friday night. Over an hour on an over-crowded bus on over-crowded streets in an over-crowded city. People pushing into me and looking over their shoulders as if to say, "Get out of the way, foreigner!"

Saturday night. ANOTHER over-crowded bus on over-crowded streets in the same over-crowded city...(thought I would have learned from Friday night, right? Just wait till Sunday....) Frustration levels rising. Why do they think it is okay to yell in your ear when you have a headache? In fact, why is it ever okay to let your child scream on the bus while you laugh at them??

Sunday night. Yes, yet another over-hour bus ride. By this night I swore off long bus rides for a while. Tolerance level pretty much gone.

Monday. Shopping, shopping, shopping. Not so bad, but it could have been better. Long bus rides all alone. Sigh. All alone. Then end.

Tuesday taxi ride. I am so tired of taxi drivers looking at me in the rear view mirror as though I am a new specimen to dissect on our 45 minute twice a week ride home from the office. Seriously people? Rude.

Wednesday. Oh Wednesday. My mid-week crisis break down eruption day. The day I spent 3 hours trying to fix the unfixable phone. The day that I got on another crowded bus for another long bus ride with people yelling all around me. The day I got so angry at my phone I had to restrain myself from throwing the phone into the elevator as soon as the door opened or down the elevator shaft so I never had to look at it again. The day I ran into my room after throwing everything down and sobbing on my bed for 20 minutes. The day I realized I might be over-reacting to still being upset about my haircut and phone not working...Yeah. That day.

Thursday taxi ride. Why can't you just take me the easy way to where I am going? We all know you just chose the longest most annoying route possible. Seriously? Sigh.

Friday Fone day Take 2. Another 2 hours trying to fix my phone. Two hours to find out that you've been cheated, lied to, taken advantage of, laughed at, and yelled at. Then to go on to the next stop and have another yell at you in the same Chinese language that you still cannot understand as you throw your hands up and walk away in frustration and discouragement. This day could have gone on forever, but I want to stop here. I have something much more interesting and important I want to focus on.

Daddy has been teaching me so much about trust and learning to live with open hands, holding on to nothing. Today on my way back from the second lady yelling at me the song, Oh Love that will not let me go came on my iPod followed by Great is Your Faithfulness. 
I had to stop and think, "Huh, His love that will not let me go is enough. Even though I don't have my phone, even though I don't have my ticket to Hong Kong to get my visa, I have His love and it's enough." Followed by, "Wow, He is so faithful to me. Even when I lose my temper and wonder if I hate the place that I love that He placed me in! He is so faithful! I know that He will take care of all these details, cause I trust Him to because He loves me and will not let me go."
My attitude was changed instantly from frustration, hurt, and anger to sincere gratefulness and appreciation for all that my Jesus is. All He says, all He does, all that He orchestrates. My once tumultuous spirit was overcome with the peace that surpasses my understanding and I felt Him guarding my heart and soul. What a comfort, what a release, what and encouragement!

"Oh joy, that seeks me through the pain
I cannot close my heart to thee
I trace the rainbow through the rain
And feel the promise is not in vain
That morn shall tearless be"