Jesus Calling

It was my first real daily Bible study that I ever actually wanted to commit to doing every day. It was different from any of the other more regimented studies I had tried. This one seemed to call out to me saying, "Come away with Me. Come, sit in My Presence and just bask in My beauty and glory! My Love for you is such that you can never comprehend fully, but lay down your defenses and come let Me love you."
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"I AM PREPARING YOU for what is on the road ahead, just around the bend. Take time to be still in My Presence so that I can strengthen you. The busier you become, the more you need this time apart with Me. So many people think that time spent with Me is a luxury they cannot afford. As a result, they live and work in their own strength - until that becomes depleted. Then they either cry out to Me for help or turn away in bitterness.

How much better it is to walk close to Me, depending on My strength and trusting Me in every situation. if you live in this way, you will DO less but ACCOMPLISH far more. Your unhurried pace of living will stand out in this rush-crazed age. Some people may deem you lazy, but many more will be blessed by your peacefulness. Walk in the Light with Me, and you will reflect Me to the watching world." 

                                                                                                ~ Jesus Calling, Sarah Young

I read these words a year ago and then again today, what I did not realize was the journey that God was going to take me on to teach me stillness this year. I told many of you that I strongly believed that He wanted me to be still this year and take a more "passive" approach to work.  Instead of working crazy hours to earn as much money as I could, I felt distinctly that He wanted me to be content with a smaller pay check, trusting Him to provide for the needs, and spend more time in solitude, studying and meditating on His Word.

This year has brought many joys and trials, fears and fears broken asunder, I have seen many victories and experienced what felt like defeat. Through each of these moments in the past year I have been keenly aware of a bigger picture- a God who actually desires a relationship with me. A God who really does not care about my performance and does not ask me to be perfect so He can show off His glory through my good works- no, this is blasphemy. He wants a relationship of stillness and peace.

My whole life I wanted to show my Father how much I loved Him by doing everything He asked of me- everything the Bible said. I did not just want to get by to just obey, but I wanted to go above and beyond all that to make sure He knew just how much I loved Him. But, in all my frantic efforts to show my love to Him, I was missing all His quiet whispers of love to me. I made the relationship about me and my love, rather than the Creator of Love and His everlasting, unconditional love.

As I learned to sit quietly and reflect on His Word, the world began to come alive around me. Many of these times of quietness happened on my balcony overlooking the South China Sea and the water, with the sun gleaming on it, literally seemed to turn to a sea of gold just screaming out of God's glory and majesty! A glory and majesty He does not need anyone to prove, it just is. I looked down on beaches crowded with people and started to become keenly aware of the work that He is doing in them, the streets filled with people whom He has not forgotten.

You see, my whole life was focused on how I could further the Kingdom, impact eternity, or do wonderful things for Christ that maybe someone would publish a book about someday and that book would go on to inspire thousands of young women to live with abandon for Christ. While the idea in my head seemed so wonderful at the time, the more I pursued that dream, the more frustrated I became in my pursuits to prove that I loved God. The more frustrated I became, the more I wondered if any of it was worth it anymore. The more I wondered if anything was worth it, the more I heard Jesus calling out to me.

It is really amazing how when come to the end of ourselves we start to hear His whispers again, isn't it? I am so thankful for my journey this year. It has been an incredibly painful year, but truly, what beautiful scars I have to "reflect Me to the watching world"!

Through the Fire

How do we handle disappointment?
How do we handle frustration or let down?
How do we go on when after we realize those we cared the most about have walked away?
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I am a relational person- that is who God created me to be.

I care deeply,
I love deeply,
I hurt deeply

The problem with feeling so deeply is that sometimes I care so deeply I feel like I am just bleeding from the inside out and I can get so discouraged I feel like there is no point in going on.

Just a few days ago I told my roommate that I had decided to try not caring for a while. In my mind I thought, "Just a week, I want to not care for just a week. I want to know what it feels like, I want to know how much freedom it would bring me- to stop caring."

What you don't know is that I started writing this blog entry in February but was never able to finish it. Here, 10 months later I found myself struggling with the very same temptations. Victory comes in waves, life comes in hills. Up and down, but now will I focus on the ebb and the valley or will I fix my eyes on the prize of Jesus Christ?

Look at Daniel. Wow, what an awesome example of a life of ebb and flow, up and down. Daniel's "mountain top" experiences came with his time of prayer and worship in obedience. His "valley" came in a fiery pit. Talk about walking through the fire…literally. Daniel had a choice- he could look at that pit and say, "Well, I did my part, God, You failed me, where are Your promises now?" or, "…our God is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of your hand, oh king."

You know the story- Daniel chose the latter. How did God repay him? He let him burn in a fiery furnace and die, right? Nope. He rescued Daniel and his friends from the fire. Not only that, but look at how they came out- strong, unscathed by the flames. Stronger even, I submit, than when they went in to the furnace. Their faith was made sight. Not only did they believe that God was able to deliver, but based on that belief they walked forward, seeing the fire, feeling the initial heat.

My response to hurt is generally to learn from whatever it was that hurt me and protect myself as soon as I feel the heat in another situation. Sometimes I can see the fire, sometimes I just feel heat and I run. But what if I felt the heat and proclaimed God's power and sovereignty over it. What if I walked boldly into the fire and held on to the confidence that my God is able to deliver me from the burning fiery trial?

The diamond is only beautiful when put through the flame, dross is only brought up from the heat, and we only prove what we believe when the furnace comes.
The question is this: Will you believe that your God is able to deliver you, or will you, like I do so many times, run before you have a chance to proclaim His power and faithfulness?

Is your God who you say He is? Who do you say that He is? Maybe it is time to re-examine who He is according to His Word and deeds!

Be of good cheer, dear one, He is with you in the fire. <3

I'm Obsessed!!!! (Part 2)

Here we are, almost 2 months after my first "I'm Obsessed!!!!" post. But, after long last, here is my Part 2. 
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So what took me so long to get Part 2 out? I knew this post was going to be different than my other posts. You see, it's been in the works since the end of the summer- call it writer's block, call it laziness, call it fear, call it whatever you want to call it- I just could not get the words out.

My first I'm Obsessed post was all about food and my obsession with food/cooking and talking about it. I literally talk about food wherever I go, to whoever I meet. It is pretty bad. It was during one such conversation nearing the end of the summer that I started thinking about obsession.

We live in an obsession driven world: Obsessed with food, money, friends, popularity, good grades, good reputation, family, cars, music, the arts, fame, religion… ourselves. From birth we are obsessed with something.

It was at this point of realization that my mind was drawn to Matthew 6:24,

No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and ...

 Now, the Bible ends with "You cannot serve both God and money", but I got to thinking about that and realized you could substitute that word money out for food, friends, popularity, good grades, good reputation, approval, family, music, religion, ourselves, etc. The list could go on, but I think you get my point.

One of the dangers of living in an obsession driven world is that we make excuses for our obsessions. We call them "hobbies"or "Oh, that's just what they are in to" passing it off as just another every day experience. The truth is, we have been deceived into believing that our obsessions are okay. They are part of our individuality- they help make us who we are. We say, "That is just me- it is who God made me to be". I will not argue with the fact that God creates individual, incredibly special people with a plethora of interests and talents, but we get so stuck on interest and talents we forget that our One and only obsession is to be our Creator.

If you look up synonyms of the word obsession and compare them with those of the word idol, you will see that they share similarities. I submit that they could be synonyms of each other. We serve idols every day when we choose something over our Creator and true Love. I have been reading a series by Lynn Austin called Chronicles of the Kings fanTAStic read (and I do not even particularly enjoy reading long books) It is basically a historical narrative of the Old Testament and the outlines several Kings and captivities the nation of Israel faced and why they faced such captivity. It is obvious that the Lord deals very harshly with the matter of idols. For the idols in one man's heart, a whole nation suffered consequences for years upon end. How much more then do we suffer for the idols of our hearts?

I was reading the series over the summer and perhaps that is where this whole train of though began. If we are not using our "passions" (another synonym of obsession) to serve the Lord or bring glory to Him alone, they have become idols. Break that down for a minute, what was our by-no-means-extensive list of obsessions?

"...food, money, friends, popularity, good grades, good reputation, family, cars, music, the arts, fame, religion… ourselves."

What is our purpose every time we engage in these activities or strive to achieve some of these goals? What about the verse in Proverbs that says a good name is better than riches- we should strive to have a good name then, yes? What about a healthy family and Romans where Paul says that as far as it depends on us to live peaceably- we should compulsively (another synonym of obsessively) live a peaceful life, right?

The problem with having a mindset like this is that we turn our attention off the only right Obsession. We want to have a good name, but why? We want peace in our homes, but why? We want to have a say in our community, but why? We want to have influence, but why? Anyone who has grown up in a semi-conservitive Christian home  knows the automatic, easily-rolled-off-the-tongue response to this question is, "To glorify God, of course!" But really, when we get to the brass tacks of it, are you frustrated in your pursuits? Is your enthusiasm waining when you do not see the results you have prayed for so sincerely for years? Who really is the focus of your passion?

Most of the time when I am faced with these difficult questions, my truthful answer is that I want a good name so people do not think poorly of me or my family, or I want a peaceful and healthy family so I can feel loved and appreciated and tell others how wonderful my family is. I get frustrated when I do all that I can and do not see positive results. Who has become the focus of my obsession?

Me.

We live in an obsession driven world, yes. Obsession is okay- when it is the right obsession.  There is only One right obsession. If He is not your obsession, it is time for a reality check, who are you serving?

"But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day who you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

My prayer is that we will all take this moment to reevaluate Who we serve. This is a matter of eternity, of life or death.

Choose this day, Who you will serve.