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"Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6 KJV
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I grew up in a Christian home. I was taught about Jesus from the time I was conceived until now. I have watched as countless others whom I grew up with, watched, admired, and tried to model made choices that became detrimental to their lives, families, and walks with God. I have often wondered the age old question, "What went wrong?".
When did the change happen? The change that all parents fear and dread- when their child chose not to follow in the ways their parents so attentively taught to them. Didn't God say that if we train up the child, they will never depart? So where is all this departure coming from? This leaves many parents to say, "Well God, I did my part, so where are you? Why aren't you doing yours?" And so sets in a slight hardening of the heart in even the parent.
We have been taught from a young age, 'Obey, and all will be well. You will get the reward, you will be loved, and you will experience great blessing and not the heartache that others face as a result of their disobedience'. It's true, even parents operate by these same rules and systems.
Obedience does one of two things:_________________
1. Breeds frustration because even when rules and systems are obeyed, the obedient one does not receive the recognition they believe due.
2. Begs for action with no heart.
Follow with me for a moment. I moved to China and have taught in Christian schools, Private schools, and Public schools. The kids are very much all the same and their behavior is very similar in each situation, but the teaching styles and methods are very, very different. I have been open with friends and family about what I teach and subject matter that is taught (or not taught) in each of these school settings. Many heap praise on the content taught in the Christian schools for it's moral/Biblical uprightness, and and even step out to say good words about freedom to teach an assortment of subjects in the Private schools, but when faced with content of Public school, I often listen and watch as faces become contorted and those around me scoff and criticize the blatant "indoctrination" of our youth. I heard these same complaints about Public schools in America and how we are feeding our youth propaganda that will turn our world away from Jesus.
Now, I was homeschooled: Pre-K to 12th grade, I was homeschooled. I was in a Christians school for one day when my parents went to a conference and they let us visit classes for the day. I know that I was not indoctrinated by the evil Public school system, that so many of my peers had to face all alone. I know many others who have been homeschooled or went to Christian schools that memorized countless Bible verses, learned how to pray right, and were put into Theology classes by the time they were in 8th grade, so I know that they, too, did not experience the lonely indoctrination that our peers in EPS (Evil Public School) faced. But still, their hearts are far from God. We're talking MVP's, Christian Character Award winners, Most Humble Student Award winners, A+ Honor roll students. These were good kids!
WHAT HAPPENED??
Even so, I know many others who grew up (some in Christian homes, some not) and went to Public school that love Jesus with the very fiber of their beings. They hunger and thirst after righteousness and seek God withe their whole hearts, and guess what?
They find Him.
These youth were taught from a young age that if you want something, you go for it. If you think there is something better out there for you, you pursue it. If you want to be a Jesus Freak (AKA believe in Jesus, or even just be curious about this Jesus), you would have to sacrifice to even be associated with Him. They were taught from an early age that believing in Jesus might mean that they had to "forsake father, mother, brother, sister", and they did it.
Because they wanted Him.
They had tasted the Water that would quench their thirst and yet make them hunger and thirst all the more after righteousness. They had given up everything that was important to them at school (namely popularity) and had become like an outcast to gain something that would be the most important Thing in all of eternity. They knew what following Jesus was going to cost them and they followed anyway.
Might I be so bold as to say that in our tizzy to make sure that we as parents are getting the good results that we want, we subject our kids to the greatest indoctrination of all time: the Gospel.
We teach our children from the time they are born that Mommy and Daddy love it when they say things like "Jesus" and "Jesus loves me!" and when they pray before meals, or recite the Golden Rule with a smile. We teach them that when they obey first time that we are happy with them. If they read their Bibles every day, we are happy with them. If they go to church and don't fight, we are happy with them.
The focus becomes us, under the guise of Sunday School and Jesus' name. What blasphemy we raise our children in! It's no wonder that they stray from the the heart of the Gospel!
They were never taught the heart of the Gospel!
They have been taught to follow the rules because it makes Mommy and Daddy happy, and really, what 3 year old doesn't want to make Mommy and Daddy happy? In middle school and high school, they follow the rules because it keeps them from being grounded, or diverts the attention while they continue on in their secret life style behind the church on Friday nights.
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Obedience
Am I saying throw Bible training to the wind? Am I telling you to go enroll your kids in EPS? Am I telling you not to take your kids to church on Sunday?
Not at all.
I'm first asking you to search your own heart and take your eyes off of yourself for a moment. Forget your own parenting skills and trying to make up for your own failures in your children. Perhaps you are looking for worth and affirmation in how your kids "turn out", and nothing could be farther from the truth. At the end of the day, the end of your life, God will not ask you how your kids turned out, but how your heart "turned out". Your kids need your gentle teaching about Jesus, not how to obey. We have all been born with an innate sense of what it means to obey. Kids don't need more of that. They need to know that you care about more than performance and strict adherence to rules. Remember, parenting is not about you as a parent, it's about what you do with what has been given to you! You can't control your child's choices, but you can have a clear conscience before God that you have taught them righteousness, love, holiness, grace, justice, and mercy. What your child chooses to do with that teaching is their choice- and admittedly sometimes a painful one to watch. But where is the sovereignty of God in all this? Can we trust the Holy Spirit to move and guide and change and mold?
Second, I'm humbly and gently encouraging you to take your kids deeper than obedience. Give them a chance to seek God with their whole hearts. Be glad when they choose to go to church or sings about Jesus.
We have GOT to stop raising generation after generation of obedience followers! As children, we were taught to obey, so we did. As parents, we teach to obey, and so our children do- but none of it leads to life and salvation! None of it leads to the abundant life with Jesus!
A form of the word "obey" is mentioned a total of 146 times in the KJV. A form of the word "love" appears 558 times. I think Jesus is more interested in His love for our kids (and I would also say us!) and more interested in our kids' (and again, us!) love for Him, than our kids' obedience.
Wherefore the Lord said, Forasmuch as this people draw nearme with their mouth, and with their lips do honour me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men: Isaiah 29:13 KJV
And again, in Matthew 15 and Mark 7 and John 5, God talks about the folly of one who follows Him with their lips, but their hearts are far from Him.
Please, I beg you. Stop indoctrinating your children and start teaching them about Jesus and that life with Him isn't easy. Teach them that they might lose everything, but that for sure, they must be willing to let it all go- family, routine, job, friends, money, comfort, home.
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:26 KJV
