Menu Friday-Saturday:
Dinner: Sweet 'n' Spicy Wings, Potato salad, Onion Rings, and Garden Medley Veggies with Carrot Cake for desert
Breakfast: Fluffy Pancakes, Sausage Hash, and Gingerbread coffee
(Come on! You know after reading that you at least kind of want to come visit me if for nothing else to eat like that!!)
........................................
Jess' eyes got big and I heard a big, "mMMm, THAT'S what potato salad is supposed to taste like!"
I squealed with delight as the onion rings came out perfectly- round, batter staying ON the onion, and golden brown.
The wings smelled sensational cooking my little oven, and the cream cheese frosting from my first carrot cake was still fresh on my taste buds.
Quite honestly, I think I out did myself last night. First time making really any of it, but I was able to enjoy the experience without any major freak out, "Oh my gosh, I cannot BELIEVE that just happened, what am I going to do??" moments. It was really nice actually. Best part was it was my major meal surprise for Ray, and I think I accomplished my goal: Success!
This morning I baked the other carrot cake so while I was preparing the onion and sausage potato hash, I had cinnamon wafting into my nostrils.
The pancakes are also the fluffiest pancakes I have ever experienced. It's not just eating them, no- it's like you put one in your mouth, but instead of a pancake, you have fluffy fluffiness. I have no idea how they got so fluffy, but I am definitely NOT complaining.
I was just getting ready to finish cooking my fluffy pancakes and start on the scrambled eggs when I realized the gas went out. No gas. It was gone. Tank empty. My stomach dropped. My heart stopped. I felt the most helpless feeling come over me. I shuffled in and told Ray the gas went out and she just looked at me and said, "Oh no". I couldn't believe she could be so calm about it- I felt like my life's blood had just been taken out of my body! Suddenly I started laughing at how dramatic I was being about it.... I guess I can be dramatic occasionally. :)
So why the random weekend of intense cooking?
Well I realized that this is actually the last weekend all of my roommates and I will be together for close to a month and I wanted to have a really special weekend together. But my heart got really sad when I thought about us all not being together for that long. And I started to think back on to all that we've been through together in the last 9 months and my heart just started overflowing with gratefulness to my Daddy for placing us together. For teaching us to grow together, for giving us courage for accountability and for humility to accept correction and rebuke.
As we face Chinese New Year and all the festivities that brings, my heart can't help but be stirred to greater humility and thankfulness for all that He has given me, all that He has done, and all that He is doing.
"Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come.
Let this blest assurance control-
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate
And has shed His own blood for my soul!
It is well, it is well with my soul!"
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
Cannot Close My Heart to Joy
They stare at me.
They judge me, my clothes, my hair, my music...etc
They take pictures.
They talk about me.
They don't listen to what I am telling them.
They think they know best, even though they don't have a clue.
They take advantage of me.
They just don't care.
..............................
Walking around a foreign country for any longish stay, these are some of the most common complaints I hear and experience floating around my head. Now, I probably love foreign countries, cultures, languages, etc more than the average person, but I do have my moments of weakness. This week was one of them.
Friday-Friday. Hands down the most challenging cultural week ever. Why? Small stuff really. Small stuff piling up on an already busy slightly stressed out Jo made for a nuclear melt-down half-way through the week. (And almost saw the demise of my cell phone down the elevator shaft...)
Friday. Seven long days ago. Friday I went to get a hair cut, fairly confident that it would go pretty well and while it might not be exactly what I wanted, at least it would be manageable. Get there and the place is closed and gutted. Brilliant. Now to trust my curly locks into the hands of a total unproven stranger? I think not. I've been working on trust though and thought, "Just how bad could one hair cut be, Jo? Give them a chance and be cool with whatever happens."
45 minutes later I walked out of the place, tears in my eyes, teeth gritted and tongue held.
Friday night. Over an hour on an over-crowded bus on over-crowded streets in an over-crowded city. People pushing into me and looking over their shoulders as if to say, "Get out of the way, foreigner!"
Saturday night. ANOTHER over-crowded bus on over-crowded streets in the same over-crowded city...(thought I would have learned from Friday night, right? Just wait till Sunday....) Frustration levels rising. Why do they think it is okay to yell in your ear when you have a headache? In fact, why is it ever okay to let your child scream on the bus while you laugh at them??
Sunday night. Yes, yet another over-hour bus ride. By this night I swore off long bus rides for a while. Tolerance level pretty much gone.
Monday. Shopping, shopping, shopping. Not so bad, but it could have been better. Long bus rides all alone. Sigh. All alone. Then end.
Tuesday taxi ride. I am so tired of taxi drivers looking at me in the rear view mirror as though I am a new specimen to dissect on our 45 minute twice a week ride home from the office. Seriously people? Rude.
Wednesday. Oh Wednesday. My mid-week crisis break down eruption day. The day I spent 3 hours trying to fix the unfixable phone. The day that I got on another crowded bus for another long bus ride with people yelling all around me. The day I got so angry at my phone I had to restrain myself from throwing the phone into the elevator as soon as the door opened or down the elevator shaft so I never had to look at it again. The day I ran into my room after throwing everything down and sobbing on my bed for 20 minutes. The day I realized I might be over-reacting to still being upset about my haircut and phone not working...Yeah. That day.
Thursday taxi ride. Why can't you just take me the easy way to where I am going? We all know you just chose the longest most annoying route possible. Seriously? Sigh.
Friday Fone day Take 2. Another 2 hours trying to fix my phone. Two hours to find out that you've been cheated, lied to, taken advantage of, laughed at, and yelled at. Then to go on to the next stop and have another yell at you in the same Chinese language that you still cannot understand as you throw your hands up and walk away in frustration and discouragement. This day could have gone on forever, but I want to stop here. I have something much more interesting and important I want to focus on.
Daddy has been teaching me so much about trust and learning to live with open hands, holding on to nothing. Today on my way back from the second lady yelling at me the song, Oh Love that will not let me go came on my iPod followed by Great is Your Faithfulness.
I had to stop and think, "Huh, His love that will not let me go is enough. Even though I don't have my phone, even though I don't have my ticket to Hong Kong to get my visa, I have His love and it's enough." Followed by, "Wow, He is so faithful to me. Even when I lose my temper and wonder if I hate the place that I love that He placed me in! He is so faithful! I know that He will take care of all these details, cause I trust Him to because He loves me and will not let me go."
My attitude was changed instantly from frustration, hurt, and anger to sincere gratefulness and appreciation for all that my Jesus is. All He says, all He does, all that He orchestrates. My once tumultuous spirit was overcome with the peace that surpasses my understanding and I felt Him guarding my heart and soul. What a comfort, what a release, what and encouragement!
"Oh joy, that seeks me through the pain
I cannot close my heart to thee
I trace the rainbow through the rain
And feel the promise is not in vain
That morn shall tearless be"
They judge me, my clothes, my hair, my music...etc
They take pictures.
They talk about me.
They don't listen to what I am telling them.
They think they know best, even though they don't have a clue.
They take advantage of me.
They just don't care.
..............................
Walking around a foreign country for any longish stay, these are some of the most common complaints I hear and experience floating around my head. Now, I probably love foreign countries, cultures, languages, etc more than the average person, but I do have my moments of weakness. This week was one of them.
Friday-Friday. Hands down the most challenging cultural week ever. Why? Small stuff really. Small stuff piling up on an already busy slightly stressed out Jo made for a nuclear melt-down half-way through the week. (And almost saw the demise of my cell phone down the elevator shaft...)
Friday. Seven long days ago. Friday I went to get a hair cut, fairly confident that it would go pretty well and while it might not be exactly what I wanted, at least it would be manageable. Get there and the place is closed and gutted. Brilliant. Now to trust my curly locks into the hands of a total unproven stranger? I think not. I've been working on trust though and thought, "Just how bad could one hair cut be, Jo? Give them a chance and be cool with whatever happens."
45 minutes later I walked out of the place, tears in my eyes, teeth gritted and tongue held.
Friday night. Over an hour on an over-crowded bus on over-crowded streets in an over-crowded city. People pushing into me and looking over their shoulders as if to say, "Get out of the way, foreigner!"
Saturday night. ANOTHER over-crowded bus on over-crowded streets in the same over-crowded city...(thought I would have learned from Friday night, right? Just wait till Sunday....) Frustration levels rising. Why do they think it is okay to yell in your ear when you have a headache? In fact, why is it ever okay to let your child scream on the bus while you laugh at them??
Sunday night. Yes, yet another over-hour bus ride. By this night I swore off long bus rides for a while. Tolerance level pretty much gone.
Monday. Shopping, shopping, shopping. Not so bad, but it could have been better. Long bus rides all alone. Sigh. All alone. Then end.
Tuesday taxi ride. I am so tired of taxi drivers looking at me in the rear view mirror as though I am a new specimen to dissect on our 45 minute twice a week ride home from the office. Seriously people? Rude.
Wednesday. Oh Wednesday. My mid-week crisis break down eruption day. The day I spent 3 hours trying to fix the unfixable phone. The day that I got on another crowded bus for another long bus ride with people yelling all around me. The day I got so angry at my phone I had to restrain myself from throwing the phone into the elevator as soon as the door opened or down the elevator shaft so I never had to look at it again. The day I ran into my room after throwing everything down and sobbing on my bed for 20 minutes. The day I realized I might be over-reacting to still being upset about my haircut and phone not working...Yeah. That day.
Thursday taxi ride. Why can't you just take me the easy way to where I am going? We all know you just chose the longest most annoying route possible. Seriously? Sigh.
Friday Fone day Take 2. Another 2 hours trying to fix my phone. Two hours to find out that you've been cheated, lied to, taken advantage of, laughed at, and yelled at. Then to go on to the next stop and have another yell at you in the same Chinese language that you still cannot understand as you throw your hands up and walk away in frustration and discouragement. This day could have gone on forever, but I want to stop here. I have something much more interesting and important I want to focus on.
Daddy has been teaching me so much about trust and learning to live with open hands, holding on to nothing. Today on my way back from the second lady yelling at me the song, Oh Love that will not let me go came on my iPod followed by Great is Your Faithfulness.
I had to stop and think, "Huh, His love that will not let me go is enough. Even though I don't have my phone, even though I don't have my ticket to Hong Kong to get my visa, I have His love and it's enough." Followed by, "Wow, He is so faithful to me. Even when I lose my temper and wonder if I hate the place that I love that He placed me in! He is so faithful! I know that He will take care of all these details, cause I trust Him to because He loves me and will not let me go."
My attitude was changed instantly from frustration, hurt, and anger to sincere gratefulness and appreciation for all that my Jesus is. All He says, all He does, all that He orchestrates. My once tumultuous spirit was overcome with the peace that surpasses my understanding and I felt Him guarding my heart and soul. What a comfort, what a release, what and encouragement!
"Oh joy, that seeks me through the pain
I cannot close my heart to thee
I trace the rainbow through the rain
And feel the promise is not in vain
That morn shall tearless be"
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
New Year
A new year, new opportunities, new chances, new people.
...............................
Well here it is- 2013. You know, ironically for some strange reason I thought half of last year WAS 2013, so I have not had trouble adjusting to the new number. However, my mind is still wrapping itself around all that happened in 2012 and all that will happen in 2013 if it is anything like 2012.
I am in my 11th month living overseas, 11 month since being home, 11th month since being in America, 11th month since being in an English speaking country. So much has happened. So much to process. So much to praise for. Where to start!
January 2012 found me happy and content working at a great job in sunny Tampa, FL. Happy with my local assembly, getting more involved with my community, getting my first apartment, spending hours at the beach and pool, and finding new ways to get involved at church, work, and home. Life was great. I had a car, apartment, AWESOME kitchen stuff, family all within two hours, close friends all around. Life was pretty darn good! Learned a lot and started settling down for the next three years (Joanna's time frame for something exciting to happen)....
February 2012 found an email in my inbox from China saying that a company needed a kindergarten teacher ASAP and could I come? February was a whirl of random weekends to Cocoa Beach with a friend, Les Mis live, Florida State Fair with the sis, Disney for the first time, and lots and LOTS of coffee dates and shocked expressions by people finding out that I was leaving the country for a year and a half. Looking back I guess it WAS kind of a crazy idea... :P But what can I say? I like crazy.
March 2012 found me in Xiamen, China. The first two weeks the most depressing I had ever experienced. Cold, cloudy, rainy, and in the middle of the city. None of which were at all closely or remotely similar to my sunny southwest Florida that I had just come from. I found myself in a room with nine 4-6 year old Chinese children who looked at me like I was a super hero (sometimes anyway =) and felt like I had gotten in WAY over my head. But March was good. It was spent getting used to so much! New houses (3 to be exact...yes 3 moves, one month), new fellowship, new school, new country, new city, new side of the globe, new foods, new age group...
April 2012 seemed to be a bit of a settling month for me. I got a new roommate, but other than that it was a bit of a stabilizing month from what I remember. I was also sick a lot....most of the month, but again, getting more used to how life was going to be.
May 2012 found some of my closest friends and mentors on Xiamen soil. May was a month of great, I don't want to say turmoil, but it was definitely a challenging month. Everything I thought I had settled in my mind, everything that I wanted to be okay with, everything that I was frustrated with in being in a new place, etc was challenged, questioned and encouraged. It was both good and bad. Anyone who knows me knows that I tend to over-think and over-dramatize most of life- I guess you could say that's kind of what May looked like for me. Too much thinking and worrying and definitely NOT enough prayer and letting go. Seeing my friends from back home made me realize just how much I had changed over just 3 months. It made me realize how much my mindset had changed, my opinions, my world view, it seemed like almost everything about me was different and I was not quite sure how to take all of that in. It was a blessed time though with them, and I long to have such coffee dates and adventures again with them here.
June 2012 saw the beginning of the downward slope. With school ending, the roommate leaving, moving to a new EMPTY apartment all alone, and everyone I normally spent time with leaving I found myself sinking into depression. I was discontent with much of my life. Discontent with my job, discontent with my new country, discontent with myself. Frustrated to find myself in such a state.
July 2012 found me about the middle of the downward slope. Getting used to everyone being gone and learning to enjoy and embrace the people who were here- lots of good talks with friends, lots of continued learning and processing about my identity and who I really was, lots of encouragement from the Word from faithful friends and warriors. Had an amazing experience in Wuhan at a conference- the focus was on being still and rising up with wings as eagles- Daddy knew I would need this focus if I was to survive the rest of my summer...
August 2012: They say that the darkest hour comes just before the morning. And August was dark indeed for me. I questioned much of who I thought I was, who I was becoming, and who I wanted to be. I turned 23 all alone and it rained that day. A lot. It was my second month of unemployment and my frustration level was quickly rising. I started questioning God and if He really was all that He said He was. If sacrificing everything was really worth it. If giving up all of me was really worth it. If I really wanted to give all of me to Him for all He is. While it was dark, there were definitely good times with friends, new contacts being made, and fun trips to Shenzhen and Hong Kong.
September 2012 and I was full swing into my new jobs. Now I was not just working with children, but I got one of the best possible set ups I could have asked for. Working part time, tutoring and getting a lot of one-on-one time with women, teaching business English at a company, and still teaching kids in the afternoon. Things were starting to look up and I was excited. The roommates finally came back after being gone for what felt like an eternity and home started to feel like just that- home. Challenges? Still there, but always a little easier to face with kindred spirits. :)
October 2012 brought the realization that a fourth year had come and gone without my Dad knowing where I was or what I was doing. I was more involved at my fellowship, had started playing the guitar, was loving my jobs and my involvement at English Corners and with fellow teachers, but nothing was coming close to touching or filling the longing I have for him. Again, another month of learning to let go. Another month of letting Daddy come in and continue to heal my heart.
November 2012 had struggles of it's own, but overall, pretty darn good. Love Xiamen, love my jobs, love my girls, love my involvement with locals. Not much to complain about...Until Thanksgiving. That was hard. Definitely. I found myself short on thankfulness and could not for the life of me figure out where the ungrateful spirit was coming from. But what a discouragement and frustration to look at your life knowing how much you have to be thankful for but not feeling thankful.
December 2012 was one of the busiest whirl-windiest months yet. With Daddy lifting me out of yet another miry pit from the end of November and Christmas concerts on the wind, I had plenty to keep me occupied. Between Christmas concerts and parties I hardly had time to prepare for my family coming to town!! Yes. They came to Xiamen, all the way to China. What a blessing. Truly- I still don't think they understand just how special that was to me. Again, with family from home coming to China I was faced once again with the new me. Realizing that throughout this year of struggles, heartache, rebellion, sadness, victories, happiness, and special moments I had not been alone and I was quite content and excited to see how Daddy had been with me, growing me to be more like Him the whole time. I was honestly a bit shocked to make realizations of the contentment and peace He had been giving me, the decisions I had made and just how set I was on a course to seek Him more. What a time of great encouragement. A time that I desperately needed 10 months into this crazy journey!
January 2013. I sit in my room (which I have now officially lived in for SEVEN months- yay for not moving!!!!) and write the shortest summary possible for the last 12 months. Looking back I can't help but want to laugh cry, sink back from exhaustion from remembering how crazy this year was, and want to lift up my hands and praise Him or grab a coat and my guitar and sing out His name on my balcony all at the same time! (however, I am late for a lunch date so I can't do any of those right now....) I am astonished to see just how good, just, and faithful He has been to me this year. If there is one phrase engrained upon my heart and mind from this year it is that I am a child of grace. His grace covers so much my mind can't wrap itself around it! And as to being His child....wow, my Abba has not given up on me, He hasn't disowned me, and He never will- He has hemmed me in before and behind, and He said He will never leave me or forsake me....and He never will. I've said it before and I will say it again, over and over and over again,
I wouldn't trade any of all this year for ANYthing else!
What a crazy year. How much I have to praise Him for. May we never forget just what has been given to us. For to whom much has been given, much more shall be required.
Here I am, Father. Ready to offer all of me, all my life to You. As much shall be required, I lift my open hands to you and offer it all freely to You. Take me and use me- this broken vessel, this child of Your- use me for your glory that all me see and know that You are God.
...............................
Well here it is- 2013. You know, ironically for some strange reason I thought half of last year WAS 2013, so I have not had trouble adjusting to the new number. However, my mind is still wrapping itself around all that happened in 2012 and all that will happen in 2013 if it is anything like 2012.
I am in my 11th month living overseas, 11 month since being home, 11th month since being in America, 11th month since being in an English speaking country. So much has happened. So much to process. So much to praise for. Where to start!
January 2012 found me happy and content working at a great job in sunny Tampa, FL. Happy with my local assembly, getting more involved with my community, getting my first apartment, spending hours at the beach and pool, and finding new ways to get involved at church, work, and home. Life was great. I had a car, apartment, AWESOME kitchen stuff, family all within two hours, close friends all around. Life was pretty darn good! Learned a lot and started settling down for the next three years (Joanna's time frame for something exciting to happen)....
February 2012 found an email in my inbox from China saying that a company needed a kindergarten teacher ASAP and could I come? February was a whirl of random weekends to Cocoa Beach with a friend, Les Mis live, Florida State Fair with the sis, Disney for the first time, and lots and LOTS of coffee dates and shocked expressions by people finding out that I was leaving the country for a year and a half. Looking back I guess it WAS kind of a crazy idea... :P But what can I say? I like crazy.
March 2012 found me in Xiamen, China. The first two weeks the most depressing I had ever experienced. Cold, cloudy, rainy, and in the middle of the city. None of which were at all closely or remotely similar to my sunny southwest Florida that I had just come from. I found myself in a room with nine 4-6 year old Chinese children who looked at me like I was a super hero (sometimes anyway =) and felt like I had gotten in WAY over my head. But March was good. It was spent getting used to so much! New houses (3 to be exact...yes 3 moves, one month), new fellowship, new school, new country, new city, new side of the globe, new foods, new age group...
April 2012 seemed to be a bit of a settling month for me. I got a new roommate, but other than that it was a bit of a stabilizing month from what I remember. I was also sick a lot....most of the month, but again, getting more used to how life was going to be.
May 2012 found some of my closest friends and mentors on Xiamen soil. May was a month of great, I don't want to say turmoil, but it was definitely a challenging month. Everything I thought I had settled in my mind, everything that I wanted to be okay with, everything that I was frustrated with in being in a new place, etc was challenged, questioned and encouraged. It was both good and bad. Anyone who knows me knows that I tend to over-think and over-dramatize most of life- I guess you could say that's kind of what May looked like for me. Too much thinking and worrying and definitely NOT enough prayer and letting go. Seeing my friends from back home made me realize just how much I had changed over just 3 months. It made me realize how much my mindset had changed, my opinions, my world view, it seemed like almost everything about me was different and I was not quite sure how to take all of that in. It was a blessed time though with them, and I long to have such coffee dates and adventures again with them here.
June 2012 saw the beginning of the downward slope. With school ending, the roommate leaving, moving to a new EMPTY apartment all alone, and everyone I normally spent time with leaving I found myself sinking into depression. I was discontent with much of my life. Discontent with my job, discontent with my new country, discontent with myself. Frustrated to find myself in such a state.
July 2012 found me about the middle of the downward slope. Getting used to everyone being gone and learning to enjoy and embrace the people who were here- lots of good talks with friends, lots of continued learning and processing about my identity and who I really was, lots of encouragement from the Word from faithful friends and warriors. Had an amazing experience in Wuhan at a conference- the focus was on being still and rising up with wings as eagles- Daddy knew I would need this focus if I was to survive the rest of my summer...
August 2012: They say that the darkest hour comes just before the morning. And August was dark indeed for me. I questioned much of who I thought I was, who I was becoming, and who I wanted to be. I turned 23 all alone and it rained that day. A lot. It was my second month of unemployment and my frustration level was quickly rising. I started questioning God and if He really was all that He said He was. If sacrificing everything was really worth it. If giving up all of me was really worth it. If I really wanted to give all of me to Him for all He is. While it was dark, there were definitely good times with friends, new contacts being made, and fun trips to Shenzhen and Hong Kong.
September 2012 and I was full swing into my new jobs. Now I was not just working with children, but I got one of the best possible set ups I could have asked for. Working part time, tutoring and getting a lot of one-on-one time with women, teaching business English at a company, and still teaching kids in the afternoon. Things were starting to look up and I was excited. The roommates finally came back after being gone for what felt like an eternity and home started to feel like just that- home. Challenges? Still there, but always a little easier to face with kindred spirits. :)
October 2012 brought the realization that a fourth year had come and gone without my Dad knowing where I was or what I was doing. I was more involved at my fellowship, had started playing the guitar, was loving my jobs and my involvement at English Corners and with fellow teachers, but nothing was coming close to touching or filling the longing I have for him. Again, another month of learning to let go. Another month of letting Daddy come in and continue to heal my heart.
November 2012 had struggles of it's own, but overall, pretty darn good. Love Xiamen, love my jobs, love my girls, love my involvement with locals. Not much to complain about...Until Thanksgiving. That was hard. Definitely. I found myself short on thankfulness and could not for the life of me figure out where the ungrateful spirit was coming from. But what a discouragement and frustration to look at your life knowing how much you have to be thankful for but not feeling thankful.
December 2012 was one of the busiest whirl-windiest months yet. With Daddy lifting me out of yet another miry pit from the end of November and Christmas concerts on the wind, I had plenty to keep me occupied. Between Christmas concerts and parties I hardly had time to prepare for my family coming to town!! Yes. They came to Xiamen, all the way to China. What a blessing. Truly- I still don't think they understand just how special that was to me. Again, with family from home coming to China I was faced once again with the new me. Realizing that throughout this year of struggles, heartache, rebellion, sadness, victories, happiness, and special moments I had not been alone and I was quite content and excited to see how Daddy had been with me, growing me to be more like Him the whole time. I was honestly a bit shocked to make realizations of the contentment and peace He had been giving me, the decisions I had made and just how set I was on a course to seek Him more. What a time of great encouragement. A time that I desperately needed 10 months into this crazy journey!
January 2013. I sit in my room (which I have now officially lived in for SEVEN months- yay for not moving!!!!) and write the shortest summary possible for the last 12 months. Looking back I can't help but want to laugh cry, sink back from exhaustion from remembering how crazy this year was, and want to lift up my hands and praise Him or grab a coat and my guitar and sing out His name on my balcony all at the same time! (however, I am late for a lunch date so I can't do any of those right now....) I am astonished to see just how good, just, and faithful He has been to me this year. If there is one phrase engrained upon my heart and mind from this year it is that I am a child of grace. His grace covers so much my mind can't wrap itself around it! And as to being His child....wow, my Abba has not given up on me, He hasn't disowned me, and He never will- He has hemmed me in before and behind, and He said He will never leave me or forsake me....and He never will. I've said it before and I will say it again, over and over and over again,
I wouldn't trade any of all this year for ANYthing else!
What a crazy year. How much I have to praise Him for. May we never forget just what has been given to us. For to whom much has been given, much more shall be required.
Here I am, Father. Ready to offer all of me, all my life to You. As much shall be required, I lift my open hands to you and offer it all freely to You. Take me and use me- this broken vessel, this child of Your- use me for your glory that all me see and know that You are God.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
What You're Doing
No words for once.
......................
I sit in silence and look at all my hands have done. What I once thought would be a beautiful masterpiece has turned into a pile of rubble. But in the silence, my thoughts turn from me to You. Knowing that You will take this lump of clay and mold a jar of gold.
You say let me mold you into something beautiful. But I am so scared to let You try. I know that You promised that You would be enough, but sometimes it just doesn't feel like that. I know these lies I've been believing only mess me up, so free me now from all I am.
I awake in the silence of the morning, I call out to You and hear Your voice cheering me on to start my day. The day goes on and slowly the distance makes me lose the sound of Your voice. Again, I feel discouraged and all alone. But when I am so alone, You come again and say, "My child, let me mold you into something beautiful."
I feel You all around me, I see You in the beauty of the ocean and the night sky. All I had to do was look, and You were always there. I lift my eyes to the sky and my hands in praise to You. I feel Your embrace and cry out once again with my voice to worship You. I know in this moment that You have great and wonderful things planned for me that I cannot yet understand.
In Your freedom I now wake and move. In Your freedom I live and love. I know now that when I was alone, when I was discouraged You were with me. You were drawing me to Your side and teaching me to depend upon You. Victory comes not through success, but rather brokenness and humility. You are teaching me to depend on You day in, day out.
So I hold on to You, when I have nothing left to hold on to. So many changes, so much to lose, so now I choose to lose it all for You. You gave me all I have, now I give it back to You. This is what You have always wanted for me, to find my treasure in You. Now here I am, on my knees, and I see You are all I truly need. So I will stay in Your arms and let You hold me as I bask in Your light.
.................
He is truly all we need, isn't He? How many times we miss His voice amidst the business and chaos of life. In all the changes and variables. Yet all He wants is for us to sit and be still. Let His Spirit work in us.
Let go.
Let go of the dreams, let go of the plans, let go of your house, let go of your possessions, let go of family, let go of approval, let go of opinions.
Let go of all but truth. Hold fast to the truth and hold fast to your Jesus.
'Cause He is sure holding on to you.
......................
I sit in silence and look at all my hands have done. What I once thought would be a beautiful masterpiece has turned into a pile of rubble. But in the silence, my thoughts turn from me to You. Knowing that You will take this lump of clay and mold a jar of gold.
You say let me mold you into something beautiful. But I am so scared to let You try. I know that You promised that You would be enough, but sometimes it just doesn't feel like that. I know these lies I've been believing only mess me up, so free me now from all I am.
I awake in the silence of the morning, I call out to You and hear Your voice cheering me on to start my day. The day goes on and slowly the distance makes me lose the sound of Your voice. Again, I feel discouraged and all alone. But when I am so alone, You come again and say, "My child, let me mold you into something beautiful."
I feel You all around me, I see You in the beauty of the ocean and the night sky. All I had to do was look, and You were always there. I lift my eyes to the sky and my hands in praise to You. I feel Your embrace and cry out once again with my voice to worship You. I know in this moment that You have great and wonderful things planned for me that I cannot yet understand.
In Your freedom I now wake and move. In Your freedom I live and love. I know now that when I was alone, when I was discouraged You were with me. You were drawing me to Your side and teaching me to depend upon You. Victory comes not through success, but rather brokenness and humility. You are teaching me to depend on You day in, day out.
So I hold on to You, when I have nothing left to hold on to. So many changes, so much to lose, so now I choose to lose it all for You. You gave me all I have, now I give it back to You. This is what You have always wanted for me, to find my treasure in You. Now here I am, on my knees, and I see You are all I truly need. So I will stay in Your arms and let You hold me as I bask in Your light.
.................
He is truly all we need, isn't He? How many times we miss His voice amidst the business and chaos of life. In all the changes and variables. Yet all He wants is for us to sit and be still. Let His Spirit work in us.
Let go.
Let go of the dreams, let go of the plans, let go of your house, let go of your possessions, let go of family, let go of approval, let go of opinions.
Let go of all but truth. Hold fast to the truth and hold fast to your Jesus.
'Cause He is sure holding on to you.
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