Game On!

6'5", 210lbs and in the smack dab center of the field. Martin Avey had the ball and 5'9", 115lbs Jo was the only one between him and his goal. Everyone said, "oh she's never gonna be able to take him...don't do it, Jo! He'll kill you!!"

Do you think he got past the halfway line?  HECK NO!

They used to say that I was tenacious on the soccer field... and they all cheered when I got my first yellow card...said it should have come years earlier.

Well what can I say? The ball was always mine and I was never very good at sharing.
.............
Anyone who knows me fairly well knows that I am a highly competitive person. I always have been and I probably always will be. I blame that on my wonderful family that I love dearly. :)
 Game nights in our house were far from the normal family game nights. They usually ended in arguing over someone not playing right, or cheating, or not paying attention, and at least one person being sent to their room and another couple upset at the outcome of the game.
 We would have bike races through the neighborhood, contests to see who could make the biggest waves in the pool, always measuring our height to see who was the tallest, who could make it to the door first, who could make it to the stove first, who could get up the stairs first (okay, okay- that didn't happen till college)...you get the picture. Everything we did was a contest- it kept life interesting.

Now that I'm older (and more mature I might add :P ) I am a completely different person. I let people win. I look for ways to make other people better than me. I try to get other people to win.
And above all, I NEVER get upset when someone beats me at something.

...

Yeah. I wish. What's that saying?

"You can take the girl out of the competition, but you can't take the competition out of the girl"

It's true. I still find myself in constant competition with the people around me. No matter what it is, I strive to be the best.
This has its pros and cons obviously. Depending on how I wield this strength it can inspire me or destroy me.
One of the things that I tend to compare myself to others with is the fundamental mistake of believing that there are "levels" of "good Christians" and depending on how you react to certain situations will dictate if you are a "good Christian" or not.
  In my head, I knew that there was no such thing as a "Good little Christian" (especially when I would help others see the lies in this mindset) but in my heart for some reason, I was giving way to it. I found myself condemning my thoughts, actions, attitudes, struggles, and failures.
The more I condemned myself the lower I fell into depression.

"And though this world, with devils filled,
Should threaten to undo us,
We will not fear, for God has willed
His truth to triumph through us.
The prince of darkness grim,
We tremble not for him-
His rage we can endure,
For lo! HIs doom is sure:
One little word shall fell him."

This was a famous passage written by Martin Luther in one of his deepest depressions. He had discovered the victory over the dark one- The Word of God- "...sharper than a two-edged sword..." can conquer the evilest of foes.

"For there is now therefor no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." says Romans 8:1.

I remember my pastor in high school spending quite a bit of time on this verse.
What a thought.

No condemnation.
None.

This is freedom in Christ. There is now therefore no condemnation....no condemnation because each thought, action, attitude, struggle, and failure was already taken care of on the cross. This concept, once grasped and digested into our hearts is the ultimate inspiration to walk humbly with our God.

"When Satan tempts us to despair, and tells us of the guilt within- upward I look and see Him there, who made an end to all my sin. Because the sinless Savior died, my sinful soul was counted free!"

Oh blessed thought!

No more earning good favor with Him. No more fear of never being good enough. No more condemnation of not responding correctly. Just freedom. Freedom in the thought that He has already done everything. He's paid the price. He is conquered sin. He has liberated the once enslaved soul to live and sing unto Him for ever and ever.

"And we sing glory to God,
 Glory to God,
 Glory to God forever!
 Glory to God,
 Glory to God,
 Glory to God forever and ever!"

So then...competition...friend or foe? I say friend- when given the proper grace saturated perspective. It pushes us to do better, to do our best.
All the time.
And that goes along with 1 Corinthians 10:31:

"And whatsoever you do, whether you eat or drink, do all to the glory of God."

The Little Things

It's the look from the leathery skinned old man with a pack on his back, it's the smile from the twenty-something year old student on the bus, it's the hug from my Daddy when no one is around and I needed to know that I am loved, it's the girl at the coffee shop just begging to be loved, it's the man that lets you on the bus before him.
........................
They say it's the little things in life that really matter, you can have all the big, huge, amazing, exciting things happen, but the ones that touch you the most always come in the most unexpected ways and the most unexpected times.

The horizon is grey as I look across the sea. I stretch and climb out of bed. It's another day. I walk out to the smell (finally) of freshly brewed coffee and smile as I pour my first cup of happiness. I begin my day and enjoy making jokes with my students and talking life with them- always amazed by opportunities I have when talking with them.

I walk outside and am met by a surprisingly cool breeze and overcast skies. Fall has got to be the only time of year that cloudy skies make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I catch a hint of....fall on the breeze and smile as I think of home and my Daddy coming home from work- it's funny. The associations that we have with certain things. I walk to the bus stop and get on- no one can damper my happy mood as I listen to my ever so exciting play lists. Another exhilarating trip to the import store. I walk in and my head turns to the left. There it is. Florida's Natural Orange Juice! Sigh. The little things in life like a taste of home grown orange juice. Price tags don't matter in those moments, you just grab, pay and find a cup as fast as you can so you can guzzle the precious gold colored liquid.

 I get home and open the windows. A pleasant breeze fills the apartment.  I drink my orange gold and smile as I think back on all the beautiful Octobers past spent in not-really-sunny-in-the-fall Southwest Florida. As I remember those days I think of all the things that stuck out to me. The smell of home made spaghetti sauce simmering all day in the kitchen, pumpkin candy corn in the glass jar on the shelf, windows open, Mom's piano students playing Autumn Leaves, savory home made soups, the sounds of Dad's car and he pulled up at 5p every day, and laughter as we said the most ridiculous things; basketball practice in the afternoon and soccer practice on Thursday evenings and games on a Friday evenings. None of these things were anything big or spectacular in and of themselves, but there was obviously something about each of those things that I just mentioned that etched itself into my memory.

This can be a wonderful experience for us, those wonderful little moments in life that bring us joy and encouragement. But it works the same on the flip side. All those little comments that sting you as you walk through your day, the man who glared at you as though you had no right to sit on the bench at the bus stop, the sarcastic side comment that really didn't need to be said....all these things affect you just as much as the positive little things. Whether you are hearing them or they are coming out of your mouth- someone, somewhere is going to remember them.

The fall is a time of remembering for me. So many things that remind me of all that I love. That's when you realize that it's not really all those big exciting moments that matter in life, it's the every day, little things that make you who are, that define you.

That is why it is so important it then to make sure that we are filling our lives with the meaningful. Watch what you say and what you do, you never know whose little moment you are making. Never waste a moment- you are defining yourself. Who are you creating today?

Fearfully and Wonderfully...

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."
.........................................

These verses have been on my mind a lot as of recent. I've heard them ever since I can remember and thought, "Oh yeah, those are nice. They affirm creation over evolution....Good stuff." But I never really grasped the fullness of the message of praise that David was offering up to God.

"For you formed my inward parts"

Yes, God formed the organs and all that (that's what I always thought this part meant) But God formed every detail of my soul- every wacky and crazy personality cork that I have. Everything that makes me, well, me! He formed a love for music and sports, He created my brain to run at a thousand billion killibites per millisecond. He created me to be a little on the crazy side. He created me to have moments of silence where I need to be alone and just bask in His presence.

"I am fearfully and wonderfully made"

Okay, take a minute here... I realize that some people may be afraid of me, but that's not the fear that this verse is talking about. I am fearfully made in the image of a most high, most holy God. I am wonderfully made- all those personality corks that I once looked at as defects or hindrances were formed in the most thought out, detailed, creative way to create one very unique daughter with a very unique purpose.

This summer I really struggled through some times of real insecurity with myself. My job situation changed a few times and I started believing the lie that I was not good enough to do anything. I failed at everything I touched. Everyone around me had a brighter, happier story to tell than I did. I had no purpose in life. This really through me in a downward spiral for a while and somehow at some point during period of time, I realized I hit  rock bottom. I couldn't really go down any further.

Thankfully, His grip never loosened on me- His arms never moved from around me. During this time I had some good friends lifting me up in prayer, constantly reminding me of the truth that I knew about my loving Father. And in the mean time He was revealing the vastness of His love and grace to me. He was reminding me truths like this one- "Joanna, you are fearfully and wonderfully made- I didn't make a mistake and say, 'Oops, this one's a dud'. I created you with a purpose and I love you"
and,
 "As high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is your love towards me"

And finally the overwhelming realization of the vastness of His immeasurable grace overwhelmed me like the ocean overwhelms a small fishing boat in a hurricane. I am loved with an everlasting love. You are loved with an everlasting love. A love that has nothing to do with you or me. A grace covers you that neither you, nor I deserve.

I write this for all of those out there who struggle with identity. Who struggle to know that they are loved. Who struggle to realize that His grace reaches EVEN you and your situation.
I write to assure the girls who don't feel beautiful that you are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made- you are beautiful. Truly. And your beauty is found only in the most beautiful, most high God- your Father.
Stop looking for security and worth in and of yourself. It only ends in lonely despair. Look to Him who created you and see the beauty and creativity in His masterpiece- You.

"Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."

And yes, my soul does know it well and I can say, "It is well, with my soul."