Fearfully and Wonderfully...

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."
.........................................

These verses have been on my mind a lot as of recent. I've heard them ever since I can remember and thought, "Oh yeah, those are nice. They affirm creation over evolution....Good stuff." But I never really grasped the fullness of the message of praise that David was offering up to God.

"For you formed my inward parts"

Yes, God formed the organs and all that (that's what I always thought this part meant) But God formed every detail of my soul- every wacky and crazy personality cork that I have. Everything that makes me, well, me! He formed a love for music and sports, He created my brain to run at a thousand billion killibites per millisecond. He created me to be a little on the crazy side. He created me to have moments of silence where I need to be alone and just bask in His presence.

"I am fearfully and wonderfully made"

Okay, take a minute here... I realize that some people may be afraid of me, but that's not the fear that this verse is talking about. I am fearfully made in the image of a most high, most holy God. I am wonderfully made- all those personality corks that I once looked at as defects or hindrances were formed in the most thought out, detailed, creative way to create one very unique daughter with a very unique purpose.

This summer I really struggled through some times of real insecurity with myself. My job situation changed a few times and I started believing the lie that I was not good enough to do anything. I failed at everything I touched. Everyone around me had a brighter, happier story to tell than I did. I had no purpose in life. This really through me in a downward spiral for a while and somehow at some point during period of time, I realized I hit  rock bottom. I couldn't really go down any further.

Thankfully, His grip never loosened on me- His arms never moved from around me. During this time I had some good friends lifting me up in prayer, constantly reminding me of the truth that I knew about my loving Father. And in the mean time He was revealing the vastness of His love and grace to me. He was reminding me truths like this one- "Joanna, you are fearfully and wonderfully made- I didn't make a mistake and say, 'Oops, this one's a dud'. I created you with a purpose and I love you"
and,
 "As high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is your love towards me"

And finally the overwhelming realization of the vastness of His immeasurable grace overwhelmed me like the ocean overwhelms a small fishing boat in a hurricane. I am loved with an everlasting love. You are loved with an everlasting love. A love that has nothing to do with you or me. A grace covers you that neither you, nor I deserve.

I write this for all of those out there who struggle with identity. Who struggle to know that they are loved. Who struggle to realize that His grace reaches EVEN you and your situation.
I write to assure the girls who don't feel beautiful that you are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made- you are beautiful. Truly. And your beauty is found only in the most beautiful, most high God- your Father.
Stop looking for security and worth in and of yourself. It only ends in lonely despair. Look to Him who created you and see the beauty and creativity in His masterpiece- You.

"Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."

And yes, my soul does know it well and I can say, "It is well, with my soul."