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"I AM PREPARING YOU for what is on the road ahead, just around the bend. Take time to be still in My Presence so that I can strengthen you. The busier you become, the more you need this time apart with Me. So many people think that time spent with Me is a luxury they cannot afford. As a result, they live and work in their own strength - until that becomes depleted. Then they either cry out to Me for help or turn away in bitterness.
How much better it is to walk close to Me, depending on My strength and trusting Me in every situation. if you live in this way, you will DO less but ACCOMPLISH far more. Your unhurried pace of living will stand out in this rush-crazed age. Some people may deem you lazy, but many more will be blessed by your peacefulness. Walk in the Light with Me, and you will reflect Me to the watching world."~ Jesus Calling, Sarah Young
I read these words a year ago and then again today, what I did not realize was the journey that God was going to take me on to teach me stillness this year. I told many of you that I strongly believed that He wanted me to be still this year and take a more "passive" approach to work. Instead of working crazy hours to earn as much money as I could, I felt distinctly that He wanted me to be content with a smaller pay check, trusting Him to provide for the needs, and spend more time in solitude, studying and meditating on His Word.
This year has brought many joys and trials, fears and fears broken asunder, I have seen many victories and experienced what felt like defeat. Through each of these moments in the past year I have been keenly aware of a bigger picture- a God who actually desires a relationship with me. A God who really does not care about my performance and does not ask me to be perfect so He can show off His glory through my good works- no, this is blasphemy. He wants a relationship of stillness and peace.
My whole life I wanted to show my Father how much I loved Him by doing everything He asked of me- everything the Bible said. I did not just want to get by to just obey, but I wanted to go above and beyond all that to make sure He knew just how much I loved Him. But, in all my frantic efforts to show my love to Him, I was missing all His quiet whispers of love to me. I made the relationship about me and my love, rather than the Creator of Love and His everlasting, unconditional love.
As I learned to sit quietly and reflect on His Word, the world began to come alive around me. Many of these times of quietness happened on my balcony overlooking the South China Sea and the water, with the sun gleaming on it, literally seemed to turn to a sea of gold just screaming out of God's glory and majesty! A glory and majesty He does not need anyone to prove, it just is. I looked down on beaches crowded with people and started to become keenly aware of the work that He is doing in them, the streets filled with people whom He has not forgotten.
You see, my whole life was focused on how I could further the Kingdom, impact eternity, or do wonderful things for Christ that maybe someone would publish a book about someday and that book would go on to inspire thousands of young women to live with abandon for Christ. While the idea in my head seemed so wonderful at the time, the more I pursued that dream, the more frustrated I became in my pursuits to prove that I loved God. The more frustrated I became, the more I wondered if any of it was worth it anymore. The more I wondered if anything was worth it, the more I heard Jesus calling out to me.
It is really amazing how when come to the end of ourselves we start to hear His whispers again, isn't it? I am so thankful for my journey this year. It has been an incredibly painful year, but truly, what beautiful scars I have to "reflect Me to the watching world"!
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