Immer Krank

I've heard it said a thousand times before, "Missionaries get sick more than anyone else, even other expats, don't be discouraged!"
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No matter how many times I've heard it, it doesn't change the fact that every time someone back home asks how I'm feeling and I have to text back, 'I'm great! Just a bit sick right now, but otherwise I'm doing really well!" Everything in me sinks.

Here I am again, on New Year's Eve, sick in bed.

Whether it be the change in climate, humidity, temperature, germs around me, lifestyle, bacteria, etc. I really don't care. The facts remain, my peppermint tea supply is getting low, my essential oils are almost out again, and I'm going through German "Sick tea" like it's water: I'm really tired of getting sick! I used to have an iron immune system- I never got sick.  I thought living through China would only strengthen it to titanium. Unfortunately it seems that apparently my immune system broke while there. Depressing, frustrating, and condemning. (Yes, Condemning. Ask any chronically ill person if they feel condemned). While I am not chronically ill, I have taken a new, more grace soaked attitude towards the chronically ill- I have the utmost respect for anyone who can be sick more than they are well and still manage a smile.

Anyways, I got off track a little... I recently finished Practicing the Presence of God and in it Brother Lawrence counsels his friend that he does not wish his friend would get better, but that he would embrace the time that he was ill as a time when God was saying, "I want to be near to you." This perspective shift has done me worlds of good! I figure, if Ive been sick this much, God must really love to spend one-on-one time with me! If only I was so intentional about spending days (literally days) alone with Him.

As I finish out this doozy of a year, full of change and false expectations, victories and challenges, healing and sickness, I hope I never forget the lesson sprinkled (and by sprinkled, I really mean doused) all over it: God wants me. He wants to be alone with me, He wants to be intimate. He wants to be in my head, He wants to be in my heart.

May 2016 truly be a God-saturated year for us all! Invite Him into the parts of you that you've been keeping away, hidden, at a distance. Lay yourself bare before this holy, but gracious God and Father. As His redeemed, we have nothing to fear! Lay yourself bare and enjoy His warm and comforting embrace. Instead of rejection, may you experience His grace and peace afresh, and run back to Him all the more in the face of turmoil, trial and repentance.

Ending this year in bed, sick. But ending this year in bed, sick, and thankful. Never forget. <3

Happy New Year!