In Shock

My jaw dropped as I got off the plane. Ray snickered and rolled her eyes and whispered, "Geez, control yourself, Jo!" I could not help my staring though. There was so much that was familiar, yet it all seemed so foreign all of the sudden. 
I felt out of place.
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I guess in short, I'm looking back at the last couple of years and as all my memories start to blur together I am in shock to see just how much has happened. I know I said that in my year end blog, but I see how much MORE has happened that I didn't even count as "significant" because I was still in China.

Now that I'm back, it is a totally different story.

We got into Chicago and there were just way to many "foreigners" everywhere. And I walked between people who were taller than me! A normal experience for most of you, and while it does happen in China...actually rather often....there's a difference. Just take my word for it. I had to watch myself as my first response to most of what I saw was, "Whaaa" (in traditional Chinese style). Ray just rolled her eyes at me as she often reminded me to stop staring at people and not to make comments about people out loud- in English... I got accustomed to talking about people in front of them because no one can understand me in China... :P

We got in the car at the airport and started driving. I started squealing. I know, I can be a little pathetic at times, but when there are SO many places to eat everywhere I get super excited. No more dreaming about these places, I can actually GO there! We got to the hotel room and What happened? I fell onto an incredibly fluffy bed. I almost didn't move again. It was heaven and first touch. Wow. Went to Cracker Barrel for dinner and breakfast and I think I died both times. Did you know that they give you bottles of syrup there for your breakfast?  BOTTLES! And if you don't use it all there that day, they you get to take it home! Oh buddy. You better believe I came back with a purse load of syrup to take back with me. What a great country! On the way home that day, I found myself staring at road signs and semi-trucks and reading their every word. Obviously, it was in English! It must be important! Haha. Sigh. Welcome back to America, right?

The first two weeks back were spent mostly sleeping. A lot of thinking, a lot of praying, and a lot of sleeping. Jet lag was not so kind to me and I found myself pacing around or trying to figure out what to do at 3am and dog tired at 3pm. I think I am mostly over it now, but time will tell, I suppose. :)

Reflecting as I was walking around the pristine American dreamy neighborhoods and skipping from restaurant to restaurant to movie theatre to cookout and games of volleyball and corn hole, I found myself discontent with what I saw. One thing I have always struggled with is the idea of myself as a wife and mother, living in a pristine little house- the entire interior designed in a whimsical yet homey sort of creative way and the lawn perfectly manicured by my husband who, of course, will be a super hero at that kind of thing. And as I walked along or drove by houses I tried to imagine myself the owner and decorator of that house- cooking in the kitchen every day, playing with my kids in the house in the back yard every summer. At first the idea was brilliant. So "stress-free", so fun, so...so...perfect. The moment that word came into my mind it was like in a movie where someone's day dream ends abruptly. I suddenly couldn't imagine anything worse that. I was reminded again right there and right then as I was looking at a corner with three gorgeous northern Ohio houses that this world is not my home. This country does not hold His best for me- at least right now. I could never be content here as long as my calling is elsewhere. That was the moment I got homesick. For my other temporary home. So until He makes it clear and sends me elsewhere, I will call my little (big) turquoise and grey living room, tiny kitchen with zilcho counter space, and awesome multi-colored room with amazing twinkle lights, my perfect home. Even when the roaches wave their antennae at me from the plate I pull out of the cupboard.... I am reminded:

This is home.