Prayer Answered by Crosses

I had a professor in college who gave out countless hand outs in class. To be honest, when I saw them coming I would pull out my folder and shove the hand out in and not look at it again. After all, we got them almost every class period- there was nothing special about them...or was there?

Senior year I got smart (no pun intended) and actually started paying attention to them and I found that they were actually quite helpful, yes- even powerful! I came across this one while packing for China and put it on my little board to see every day.

It has been on my mind quite a bit recently.

.............

1 I ask'd the Lord, that I might grow
In faith, and love, and ev'ry grace,
Might more of his salvation know,
And seek more earnestly his face.

2 'Twas he who taught me thus to pray,
And he, I trust has answer'd pray'r;
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.

3 I hop'd that in some favour'd hour,
At once he'd answer my request:
And by his love's constraining pow'r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

4 Instead of this. he made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow'rs of hell
Assault my soul in ev'ry part.

5 Yea more, with his own hand he seem'd
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Cross'd all the fair designs I schem'd,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

6 Lord, why is this, I trembling cry'd,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
"'Tis in this way," the Lord reply'd,
"I answer pray'r for grace and faith.

7 "These inward trials I employ,
"From self and pride to set thee free;
"And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
"That thou mayst seek thy all in me."

John Newton

.............
We think that just because we take something before the throne, naturally it will get better- that is what He does, is it not?

He fixes things.

We forget that sometimes pain is required in the purification process. Sometimes we will not understand until we feel the agony of sacrifice. Sometimes we cannot understand without knowing the brevity of life. Sometimes we need a cross to answer our calls.

Whistle while you.....sit?

The children are calling, I must help.

The beggar on the street cries out for help in just one glance, I must help.

The woman on the bus has eyes of sadness, I must help.

The church needs a nursery worker, I must help.

They need people to clean and set up and tear down, I must help. 

Suddenly I am exhausted, I feel useless and worn; I am confused and frustrated.

........

Work, work, work. This is what we do- if we do not work enough we are selfish and slothful. Our father has given us hands for a purpose, our minds for a purpose! Use them!

And so she does, Faith wakes up in the morning with a list already forming in her mind. Her guilt levels rising because she knows she cannot do all the work that needs doing. But He requires it- He will help her get it done because it is what He wants. So, she sets her hand at the plow and gets ready for another frustrating seemingly fruitless day, but it is okay because she knows in the end- it will be worth it, He will smile and say, "Well done!"

She opens the Word and reads, "Be still and know that I am G*d, I will be exalted among the nations." She thinks to herself, "Yes, YES! He is G*d, now I must exalt him among the nations! And yet again she sets her hand to the plow and finds herself frustrated at the end of every day. 

She is confused.

She is frustrated.

She does not understand why the harder she works, the more frustrated and unhappy she becomes.

This is his work after all- it was supposed to bring fulfillment!

This goes on for years and her very soul becomes weary of this tiresome ordeal. Her joy is almost gone and she does not even really enjoy the work anymore that once looked so fulfilling! She begins to look for more work- surely she is not doing enough. 

"If I could just find that one area that no one else is working on and I could work on in and fix it- then I would be eternally satisfied and my father would be so proud of me!" she thinks to herself.

What she does not realize is that no matter how hard she works, no matter what kind of work she does, she will never be fulfilled by it.

You see, her father looks at her and says, "Why are you working so hard?"

"I want to make you smile! I want you to be proud of me!" she replies.

"But I already am! I was proud to call you my daughter, you never had to do anything to make me proud of you. Will you come and sit with me? I just want to sit with you a while."

"I will later, but right now I have to finish what I am working on- it is for you! You will be so surprised how much I can accomplish. I could not do it without you, though- thank you for all your help!"

"But you are missing the time we could be sitting here watching the tide come in and go out, the time to feel the warm sunshine on your skin and the gentle breeze across your face. I have something very special for you here.  Come, sit with me?"

"There is just too much to do here now; there will be plenty of time for sitting with you later, you know that! I only have a little bit of time here to get all of this done!"

And off she goes again away from her father to work. He looks after her with sadness in his eyes- he knows how much she is missing.

This conversation happens often and still she does not understand that he really does just want to spend time with his daughter! Finally, one day she is sitting down- exhausted and frustrated- really at the end of herself.  She puts her head in her hands and shakes her head. She looks up for a moment and catches the glimpse of something beautiful. 

It is a promise.

She has seen it many times before, but there is something different about it this time, almost like she was blind before to it's beauty. She looks a little closer and it says, "Be still and know that I am G*d, I will be exalted among the nations!"

It is like a key has turned and finally she sees it! I will be exalted among the nations... He does not need her help for that- He can do it all by himself! He really does just want her to sit with him for a while, He really does just want to spend time with her and talk with her. When work needs to be done, he'll take care of it- He might do it through her, but she does not have to keep working so hard, she just needs to be still.

"Be still and know that I am G*d; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

He does not need you or I to accomplish anything, you see- He is G*d! He does not need any of us, or any of our works. "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away."

"Yet, O L*d, you are our father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand."

How can clay ever be molded if it is constantly jumping around, trying to mold itself? The answer obviously is that it cannot! It musts be still and know the potter's touch.

Do you know the Potter's touch? When he asks you to come sit a while with him, do you?

Blessings in disguise

The birds sing, the children yell and the jackhammer pounds away.
.........
Day two in bed. So I suppose I have had better days, but how can I complain? I have been given a roof over my head with a view of the sea, I have a rotating fan next to my bed on one side and an air conditioner on the other. I have warm soup just a little ways away and have been blessed with friends who care.
It is easy to get bogged down when your body is not up to speed, but I must not lose sight of all that has been given me.

This morning I lay in bed because any movement would make me dizzy, and listened as the rain cascaded from the sky- seven floors up is just above the tree tops so I get to hear it as it filters through the leaves. Such a beautiful lullaby- I dared to lean up to peak out my window to get a view of the light rain and I was greeted by a soft wind as it tousled the tree tops and rain as it landed in the fish pond below. Something so fresh and cheerful about it- though I have no clue how a rainy day can seem cheerful when you are sick...He must have just been opening my eyes to His beauty in spite of any physical ailments. I love it when He does that!

All this time in bed has allowed me to finally finish my book that I have been working on for quite some time entitled "Because He Loves Me". I wanted to share a quote from it- think on it.

"‎"On the days when you feel as though you'll never get it, you'll never please him, you're such a failure, you must remember the lavish gift: his great heart pumped blood through his veins and then out his wounds so that he could bless you. This perfect blood streamed down his body and tumbled through space, pooling on the earth beneath his feet... trampled on by those who stood below jeering. It mingled with the dirt he had created, and from it grew your hope. And then, on the days when you believe you're finally getting it, finally pleasing him, when you think you can look in satisfaction at your goodness, you'll need to look at that blood in satisfaction at your goodness, you'll need to look at that blood even more closely. Take yourself to Calvary and stand there until all your good works seem to you as they really are: vile sludge purified only by the cleansing flow"

Yesterday, I went to work in the morning and had a "this is why I teach" moment. One of my little Korean boys who I have had quite a time struggling with, tapped my knee and leaned over and said, "Teacher, teacher! I....love YOU! I love you, I love you!!" His precious face sparkled as the words came out of his mouth and I thought back on the difficulties we have had since my arrival two months ago. This is the same boy who would hardly same "hello" in English much less Chinese as he is learning three languages at the same time at the young age of six!
That same day, one of my little Chinese girls came over and gave me a hug. This is the same little girl who would not come near me since I had arrived. We had struggled through learning letters in the alphabet and learning to be quiet during quiet time, and here she was for the first time not shying away from me as I gave her a hug.
These truly are the moments we teach for- all you teachers out there know what I mean. These moments are worth so much more than any paycheck or good recommendation on a resume because these are the moments that last.